Complicated

This one word seems to just describe my entire life perfectly. I can’t even manage to think of something in my life that isn’t just a little complicated. I think a lot of it all comes back to my best friend being a guy… I’m sure there are other people out there with best friends of the opposite sex and I would genuinely love to know how your life is going. The comments are down below if you feel like sharing.

Back to my situation though. A couple years ago when I was in high school, I dated a guy who is now my best friend. I had never had a boyfriend and to be honest I don’t even know how our relationship even started. So, me being the naive girl I was, I just figured we can hang out and be friends without anything else to it. We hung out a few times and we would go to each other’s soccer games and one night after one of his soccer games, he asked me out. First of all, I was in shock that he asked me out because I was thinking we would just be friends. In the moment, I said yes and it took me about a year to break up with him because to me we were just friends. Our friendship grew even more and we were stuck to each other like glue.

Me being the slightly terrible person that I was, I broke up with him the summer before going to college. I had known where I was going because I had a full ride to a college in my state and I wasn’t going to turn that down unless I place I like better could meet the same scholarship. It took him longer than I did to know where he wanted or was going to go to school. Long story short, he ended up going to the same college I was in. Not only did he get into the same college, but he also got into the same dorm. This was becasue I was an “honor’s college student,” not that I even know what the point of it is, and the dorm I was placed into was just finished being built and was designed to be a pretty much all honor’s dorm. The chances of him also getting into this dorm was about 1/100 or maybe less to be honest. But I have to give it too him, he has more luck than a four leaf clover.

Freshman year was alright, the only problem was that becasue he was my best friend and I did still want to hang out with him, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE thought we were dating. That whole first impressions matter thing never struck so hard in my life. Because I would hang out with him more than a lot of people, it was just assumed we were dating. I had and am still having a hard time fitting in at the college I am attending. It feels as though I’m an outsider… I look around and everyone has their little clique and I don’t fit into any of them. I’ve always been aware that I just have a very different personality than more people my age. I’ve always been told how mature I am and I think that plays a big role becasue I have no desire to go to parties or drink or skip class or any of that crap. I have been told I have an old soul and they are probably right.

Its weird, becasue I’m tired of being alone but I don’t really know how to fix it. I have some friends but most of them revolve around school and usually not much else.

Another problem is that I am kind of having to figure out who I actually am. Coming to college, I was stripped of my identity. My ENTIRE life I played soccer, I didn’t just play soccer, I lived It. I ended up having to give it all up becasue I wanted to be a doctor more than I wanted to say that I played collegiate soccer. My roommate was also someone who I had already known from a summer program I was accepted into while I was in high school. We talked to each other throughout the last year of high school and we wound up at the same school. Looking back now, I kind of wished I would have tried to find a new person so that I would have made some new friends. Hindsight is always 20/20 right.

Now, to this year. I am a very picky person when it comes to guys and from the outside, not having talked to this guy all that much, he seems like a guy I think I could get along with and am attracted to. I don’t think I’ve ever had a crush up until this point but boyyyy do I have one now.

And guess what? I still have the same problem that I’ve been having for the last year and a half. Everyone still thinks my best friend is my boyfriend and I have no clue how to fix it without cutting my best friend out of my life which is something I don’t want to and don’t plan on doing.

I don’t know why I wrote this but hopefully someone can relate.

If you all have ANY suggestions, please put them in the comments below.

This girl could really use some help.

~Madison Eran~

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11 Comments

  1. Paolo B.

    College days, I wish I could say I miss them but I don’t lol Lot’s of learning in those times though, life and academics wise. You’re friend is obviously important to you so cutting him out is not an option nor recommended. Hard as it might be college is a great time to expand your friend circle. Maybe hanging out with him less will help not just for you but for him too. I’m sure he wants to meet other people too and people might think the same thing they do of you towards him. Just food for thought though. Good luck. It’s always complicated, until it isn’t. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Janice Wald

    Hi I meant to comment on your other two posts. Oh well. I also love dogs. I have three. My most recent is not a puppy but he is small, Chihuahua.
    I met you at Naya’s Meet and Greet.
    You made a comment I liked about meeting people who could be your friends.
    Maybe you can check out my blog if you need any blogging tips. That’s what I write about. I also have blog parties like Naya.
    Janice

    Liked by 1 person

  3. antsafanou

    Oh my Gosh^^, I liked reading you because I feel like this is my life too. My best friend is a guy too and everyone thinks he s my boyfriend and I getting tired of convincing people we re not so I just gave up^^ ….About this identity crisis too, I thought I was far done but growing up just reminded me that actually we always have to redefine ourselves and… this is complicated^^. ❤ ❤ ❤ cheers

    Liked by 1 person

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